Classes are done in 29 days, and graduation is in 37 days. The closer it gets, the more freaked out I find myself getting. First of all, I'm terrified that I'm not going to get the C's I need in three of my classes in order to pass the requirements I need to graduate. Secondly, I'm terrified of what I'm going to do out in that big huge real world out there.

I know how horrible I am at saving money. I'm trying to get better, but I still find myself living paycheck to paycheck. I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford rent plus utilities plus living expenses. I don't even know what sort of work I'm going to be doing. It'd be great to pick up more hours at Imagination Stage. Heck, I'd even be okay if it's just 40 hours a week without benefits. I can stay on my parents' health care plan until I'm 26. That gives me some wiggle room. (Thanks, Obama!) Theoretically, if I get 40 hours a week at my current $10 an hour (for box office), I could be making a bit more than $20,000 a year. That's more than enough to get myself by. I would be okay with that. I could survive, and maybe even thrive, on that. As long as I'm working at least 20 hours a week, I'll have enough for $850 a month.

But what about my creative side? What about the life that I want to have? How do I start putting my name and face out there? How do I book auditions? Do people still do that whole mass mailing of headshot & resume thing? Can I afford to spend all that money on good copies of my headshot and shipping costs? Are people frowned upon if they just email the info in? Which theatres do I bother sending things to? I have a list of theatres and their casting directors in the area... do I just send out a cheery "Hi! I'm a fresh face in the industry looking for opportunities. Audition me!" and hope for the best? Do I start in the crappy regional theatres who are always posting audition notices to email listings and hope I can work my way up from there?

I'm just freaking out. Stressing. Being paranoid. Psyching myself out for hopefully no reason.

I don't know what's up with me this week. I can't seem to shake this funky attitude that's making me feel super mediocre all the time. Went to see an amazing show at Studio last night, and apparently on the walk from the theatre to Metro, about halfway through my mood just completely flip flopped, and I got real quiet.

I'm freaking out a little about passing classes and being able to graduate in December. This cinema class, and astronomy are kicking my butt a bit right now. Anyway. I think my mood rubbed off on Christian. There was a weird funk between us last night/this morning.

SNAP OUTTA IT!

I went to the Kelli O'Hara cabaret at the KenCen on Friday with Scot and some of the rest of my musical theatre class. Good grief is that woman incredible. But that's not the point. The point is that I would kill to be doing what she's doing. And it seems almost easy - she's human. She went through the same public school system, did the whole arts major in college thing. Was one of the hundreds of girls lining up for open calls in New York after she graduated.

I know the odds are totally against me in my profession. One in a million. But sometimes it feels like I could be that one. I could be that lucky resume that gets put ahead of the pack and moves on to do big things.

Things I need to do before I graduate in order to help myself be that lucky resume:
1. Learn how to introduce myself to people who can help me. Lord knows I'm going to enough opening nights where I find myself around important people in the DC Theatre scene. Let's start using that to my advantage.
2. Save money for headshot & resume copies. Start a mailing list of where to send said H&Rs around graduation.
3. Draft a cover letter to send out with H&Rs.
4. Find somewhere to boost my dance skillz.
5. Start searching for monologues and reading plays, plays and more plays.